Toughest Survive

Life isnt really a bed of roses. While going thru some of my past entries, i realised i have been complaining, grumbling and ranting all this time. That also mean i have been very very unhappy. There were so many negative entries. God!

There were things that u wished it din bother you. However, it kept haunting you so much that u rather turn deaf and handicap. Even simple thing that u do is being critised. Like wat Ken said, this is the worst scenario he could ever thought of. And they all happened!!! I endured and tolerated but i am a human after all. I am not sure when the explosion will occur.

I know i have been repeating over many entries. I could not help it cos this is the only little space that i can vent some of my frustration on... I told my mum, if ever i was a girl, i would have cried almost every night. Will i ever turn depression? As far as i am concern, i have people who still show their care to me. I also have a holiday to look forward. So still not too bad... Well, my mum for the first time felt very sorry for me.

Mum: Son, if you are really unhappy, leave your job...
Me: ...
Mum: It has been hard on you.

I was very touched when she said that to me. Previously, she felt i was unable to withstand hardship from work. I have been updating her what happened at work. She was surprised that things turned out so negatively. It's true. I did not exaggerate.

I got this from a friend. We were in the same ship.

I know what are my abilities, and what I can be confident of doing. Yet, doubts had been creeping into me lately.

although those are the things which I had known all along, and I can't help but seriously consider.

I thought I could overcome it, but I couldn't. How do you do it? I don't used to be like that, have I fallen in real deep this time round?

How bad can things turn out? I am not sure. There are pple in this world that is probably going thru the same phase as me. Perhaps theirs is a different situation. In the mean time, i only hope for the best. Holiday is definitely the best remedy for me.

Ah Boy Haircut

Back at home lazing ard in the afternoon. Went for a haircut in the morning. Now, looking like a JC student or perhaps a NS personnel. It was a long time since i shortened my hair. I asked my sis if i looked "ah boy", she din hesitate to give a "Yes" reply. Argh.... But i definitely look younger with short hair. ha... Ah boy... I hope they will check my IC tonite when i go Dbl O!!!!

Went thru a few blogs of my friends. Wow... Michelle had a great time in US. I would love to go for a summer exchange program or something like that if i had the chance. Too bad, my time is always so tight and i cannot afford to do so. After graduation, i returned to my unit to finish off my National Service. Then, it was time to start work. Aiyoh, really no time....

The pictures were beautifully taken. I enjoyed flying ard, travelling from Chicago to Las Vegas to NYC. OMG! It is like travelling till no body business. However, that is going to be VERY EXP! In the meantime, i will save up. No car, no insurance, no extraordinary expenses. ha... Unless i found some rich lady or sugar mummy to sponsor me.... whahaha... Based on my looks, i think they will give me a free trip to Toa Payoh Lorong 7! hahaha.... Oh, if anyone loves donation, feel free to contribute to my Overseas Trip Fund, i can give u my account... Let me know ya!

Be with Me

It has been a few days since "that" thing happened. Well, i am feeling better but gets upset whenever i think of it. After all, it was not meant to happen. Too bad. On a lighter note, did a few things today. They are things that i missed over the last 4-5 years. Although din achieved much, it was pretty satisfying.

Oh dear, that means i missed my SR days again. Went over to Radio side this evening to catch a glimpse of Superstar rehearsal. Not bad! Saw my favourite "Black Pearl"! Cool leh. When i walked pass the studios, it reminded me of the happy days i spent when i did my radio gigs. Haiz.... Wat to do? I can only suck my thumbs now while watching others performing.

Movie "Be with Me" was quite a touching story. I am very impressed by Director Eric Khoo who could tell a story with less than an A4 page script! Awesome! I like the way he put the love message across the scene. Not the mushy type, but thru little actions and tots. Blind lady Theresa is even inpiring. She touched the lives of many. Brave lady!

I guess love is not abt "dear this dear that". It is more of a long term commitment and concern that you show to your partner. Be true to yourself and you will live longer and happier!

Unforgiveable

Haiz... Pathetic... When u are down at your luck, it really sucks. I have been praying day in day out for a better day. Somehow, it doesnt work. Congrats to the "ambushers" for their successful launch. They managed to make it this time. Poor me have nothing to say. Cos i was wrong in the first place. Haiz....

Not sure wat to do now. I lost faith in things that i do. I tried my best to put up a brave front. But no, i feel very weak at this moment. This is all retribution. I should be enjoying a good time over at the other side. I failed them and now i failed myself. It is so unbelieveable.

Is that the way life should move on? I hear pple telling me that wherever u go, it will be the same. Is this really true? Or it's just a hypothetical scenario? I am not too sure. I wanted to move on, however, i got stuck again. And this time, i dare not even make a step forward. Nothing! It's Enough!

Perfect Day?!

Alright... A day well spent. Sun was good, thankfully, had a good tan. As mentioned yesterday, my plan was fully executed. Great great great! Went esplanade this evening too and saw a huge crowd turnout. Then realised, it was Mooncake Festival. Everyone seems to be on a good mood. Me too! ;)

Everything was perfect except a pair of you-wont-want-to-see-couple smooching and frenching. OMG! Nearly fainted when i happen to see the face of you-wont-want-to-see-couple. Excuse me, the place does not belong to you. Not that i am against this kind of behaviour but the looks of them turn me off TOTALLY.

I cannot believe it. Happily presenting it to everyone for at least 10 mins? Arent their mouth tired? Or they are just too shiok that they forget abt everything? Jialat lar... Obstructing scenery.... But at least they are REAL couples. ha... Know wat i mean?

It is so much better than watching a pair of lesbian or gay doing it... Not forgetting abt the transexual who french this guy at Double O.... Eek..... I was so shocked that i stood speechless on the dancefloor for 3 mins!!! ha.... More and more people getting fetish. I wonder if that has to do with work or stress.

Time Not Enough

After a week of torture, i am finally taking a 2 day break from work. Whoo..... Feel so happy. Been very busy over the last few days. Sometime, i really feel that 24 hour is insufficient. I have got so many things to accomplish but always run out of time.

I intend to do lots of things tom. First to the pool if the weather in the morning is as good as today. Then to FF to work on my body (dun want to waste money, so exp!) After that, i will need to collect my air ticket from the travel agent. I will also be meeting up Jun. See, 1 day gone. If there are more than 24 hours a day during my off days, it will be perfect. ha.....

Saw Sugi, one of the Superstar contestant at reception this afternoon. I am surprise many little girls like him a lot. The moment he stepped out of the taxi, some students came talking to him. Anyway, the superstar fever is over. That also means no more news abt Champion, Kelvin anymore. Media field is so realistic.

Alright, time to sleep. Need to be bright and fresh in the morning to carry out my plans....

Piece of Shit

Whenever i think things are going to be alright, it just turn otherwise. For some stupid reason, i landed in trouble again at work. Thanks to the conflicting instructions given. For god sake, can someone tell me who is rite or wrong? I have been told to make decisions based on my heart.

I tried to but still on the verge of uncertainty. To play safe, i follow. However, when u follow, that does not mean u are right. Eventually, when there is a mistake, everyone starts pin- pointing at you. WTF! I have been trying very hard to get out of the vicious cycle. I get fustrated whenever poor instructions were given.

If i choose to defy, then something goes wrong, i get penalised. On the other hand, if i follow, something goes wrong, i also get penalised. Now, tell me wat to do. I am stuck like a piece of shit. The knot is forever there. 8 months into the job, nothing achieve except being attacked whenever there is an opportunity. Cruel!

Again and again. The stress level is unbearable. Work is already not easy, the evil environment doubled the effect. Too bad i cant go mambo on their last nite. At least it can destress me for tat moment. Well, i hope sleeping will make me better.